I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think I won the penis lottery.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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