i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
