There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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