I puked a lego.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
