i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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