She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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