I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
