I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
