ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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