i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
