I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
