You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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