Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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