so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
