you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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