Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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