explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
