you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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