So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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