Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
