2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
