Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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