how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
