Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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