Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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