At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Life is so much better after having sex.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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