you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
