Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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