Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
