we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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