Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize