my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
