I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
