im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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