a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
