god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
