ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
