i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
