M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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