never play flip cup with pint glasses
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
