sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize