we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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