the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
