Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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