I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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