You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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