Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
