Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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