I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.