you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.