Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!