the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
