TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
