I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
