This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
