I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You were trust falling into bushes
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
