I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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