that's an acceptable place to lick
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
