I think I died a long time ago.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
