Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
