i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
