I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
