That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
