i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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