Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
