she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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