I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
