Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
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