i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
