At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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