I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
