omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My life is pants optional.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
