You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
