I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
