Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize