There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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