almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
we should paint friendship bongs
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
