God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
