well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
