Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
