I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
