how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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