ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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