He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
