I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
