she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
